“I remember the first time I was truly in awe of God. I was caught up for the first time in my life in something so massive and loving and transcendent and… true. Something I was sure could be trusted. I specifically remember thinking the universe was safe, in spite of all the horrible, tragic things in the world. I remember being overwhelmed...”
[Rob Bell- “Velvet Elvis”]
Being in awe of God… experience of ultimate reality…love…trust and… peace…Strength and rest… and courage…fulfillment… unity…praise… The definition explains awe as: “a mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, great beauty, sublimity or might;”
This past Monday I was once again in pure awe of God, overwhelmed by His glory and anointing of grace. God still brings us to His throne, so that we may experience His direct presence and give Him the praise and honor that He deserves. It is a gift to me, to recognize this state of awe for my God. It was a simple worship night for college kids thrown by the leaders of our college ministry. As we were worshiping, there was a picture of Jesus on the cross on one of the slides, but it made me wonder what it meant…honestly I didn’t like it, because Jesus was chained to the cross and I thought it was too violent or fake. I really didn’t like it. So I prayed to see what I meant, or maybe I prayed to get over my feelings toward that picture. I felt to leave my seat and worship on the back of the room, behind all my friends. This was a wonderful time of worship. I started down on my knees, laying before the cross all that was on my heart and mind [it was a hard week for me]. I asked God to meet with me…speak…and to show himself. I needed that. So, He came. During the next 30 or so minutes of worship my hands would stretch out very wide, like never before…I didn’t understand this, but I submitted to it and continued on worshiping God. At some point my arms were hurting because they were so stretched out and I wasn’t used it, but I still remained in that position…and then the glory of the Lord fell down on us. I felt like the Lord was trying to gather “us” together with those stretched arms and lock them, so we could be fully in his arms covered by his love and care. I don’t know what “us” meant. Was it the people in that room? Was it our generation? Was it my college? I don’t know, but I know that He was stretching His arms for us, to come to him, as one family. He showed me that we were a family, not a perfect one, [actually it was more imperfect than anything else] but if we accept this gift he gave us, to young college people, the gift of fellowship, the gift of a family, we will be stronger together. Alone, we would remain weak, just like I was weak that night, feeling alone. It is not easy to accept a gift of family like this. It requires me to humble myself and be honest and real with my friends about my heart; it requires me to kill my prideful nature; it requires me to be simple and yet so enriched by this freedom of trust and love. We are a family that tries to make things right, and God is the only one who can make us right with Him and then allow us to be right with one another. We are a family that needs to learn how to serve love and mercy to one another, because that will keep us together. I loved that vision. I was in awe. And I went up and shared that with my friends. Later, my friend told me about how he was reflecting on the same image of Christ on the cross, that we saw on the slide. He said what it meant to Him, and he said that my words made sense to him, although he told me to go and figure it out on my own. [Haha] The next day, I was reflecting on all of this. My question was, how could my pain of stretched out arms, feel so good! And then I was taken back to that picture of Jesus, His arms were so stretched out on the cross, it must have hurt him and yet he remained in that position of surrender. Was the way he died a symbol of his love for us and a sign, that we could be gather together again? Was it a calling to be a family? He could have escaped this death, but he didn’t. I could end my little pain, by putting my arms down but I didn’t, because that pain felt so good; I had joy int hat state of surrender and submission; I was not alone in it, I was with God and that awe of His Holy presence made me want to stay there. Jesus was not alone on the cross, He was with God…I wonder if he felt similar to what I felt? He knew he was doing it for Hs father who had a greater plan… To gather His lost children together, back to him, back to his arms…back to his heart…
I am trying to learn what it means to have this college group of friends for a family…College is a weird time of so-called-freedom to do life, to find your way, to grow in strength…we continuously fall trying to get it right, pride blinds us and liberal education feeds it; individualism is the big test and love is brokenness… expectations are our daily bread, and pressures to drink and fake love are the air we breath…we all are in it…we left home to be in…it was supposed to be good… and it can be…and it will be good as long as we accept this new family and together, not alone, will try to get it right. To crucify my pride and share love and mercy is what the family is for. They will help me, as I am there to help them do the same.
“The Christian is called not to individualism but to membership in the mystical body. A consideration of the differences between the secular collective and the mystical body, is therefore the first step to understanding how Christianity without being individualistic can yet counteract collectivism.”
Being in awe of God… experience of ultimate reality…love…trust and… peace…Strength and rest… and courage…fulfillment… unity…praise… The definition explains awe as: “a mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, great beauty, sublimity or might;”
This past Monday I was once again in pure awe of God, overwhelmed by His glory and anointing of grace. God still brings us to His throne, so that we may experience His direct presence and give Him the praise and honor that He deserves. It is a gift to me, to recognize this state of awe for my God. It was a simple worship night for college kids thrown by the leaders of our college ministry. As we were worshiping, there was a picture of Jesus on the cross on one of the slides, but it made me wonder what it meant…honestly I didn’t like it, because Jesus was chained to the cross and I thought it was too violent or fake. I really didn’t like it. So I prayed to see what I meant, or maybe I prayed to get over my feelings toward that picture. I felt to leave my seat and worship on the back of the room, behind all my friends. This was a wonderful time of worship. I started down on my knees, laying before the cross all that was on my heart and mind [it was a hard week for me]. I asked God to meet with me…speak…and to show himself. I needed that. So, He came. During the next 30 or so minutes of worship my hands would stretch out very wide, like never before…I didn’t understand this, but I submitted to it and continued on worshiping God. At some point my arms were hurting because they were so stretched out and I wasn’t used it, but I still remained in that position…and then the glory of the Lord fell down on us. I felt like the Lord was trying to gather “us” together with those stretched arms and lock them, so we could be fully in his arms covered by his love and care. I don’t know what “us” meant. Was it the people in that room? Was it our generation? Was it my college? I don’t know, but I know that He was stretching His arms for us, to come to him, as one family. He showed me that we were a family, not a perfect one, [actually it was more imperfect than anything else] but if we accept this gift he gave us, to young college people, the gift of fellowship, the gift of a family, we will be stronger together. Alone, we would remain weak, just like I was weak that night, feeling alone. It is not easy to accept a gift of family like this. It requires me to humble myself and be honest and real with my friends about my heart; it requires me to kill my prideful nature; it requires me to be simple and yet so enriched by this freedom of trust and love. We are a family that tries to make things right, and God is the only one who can make us right with Him and then allow us to be right with one another. We are a family that needs to learn how to serve love and mercy to one another, because that will keep us together. I loved that vision. I was in awe. And I went up and shared that with my friends. Later, my friend told me about how he was reflecting on the same image of Christ on the cross, that we saw on the slide. He said what it meant to Him, and he said that my words made sense to him, although he told me to go and figure it out on my own. [Haha] The next day, I was reflecting on all of this. My question was, how could my pain of stretched out arms, feel so good! And then I was taken back to that picture of Jesus, His arms were so stretched out on the cross, it must have hurt him and yet he remained in that position of surrender. Was the way he died a symbol of his love for us and a sign, that we could be gather together again? Was it a calling to be a family? He could have escaped this death, but he didn’t. I could end my little pain, by putting my arms down but I didn’t, because that pain felt so good; I had joy int hat state of surrender and submission; I was not alone in it, I was with God and that awe of His Holy presence made me want to stay there. Jesus was not alone on the cross, He was with God…I wonder if he felt similar to what I felt? He knew he was doing it for Hs father who had a greater plan… To gather His lost children together, back to him, back to his arms…back to his heart…
I am trying to learn what it means to have this college group of friends for a family…College is a weird time of so-called-freedom to do life, to find your way, to grow in strength…we continuously fall trying to get it right, pride blinds us and liberal education feeds it; individualism is the big test and love is brokenness… expectations are our daily bread, and pressures to drink and fake love are the air we breath…we all are in it…we left home to be in…it was supposed to be good… and it can be…and it will be good as long as we accept this new family and together, not alone, will try to get it right. To crucify my pride and share love and mercy is what the family is for. They will help me, as I am there to help them do the same.
“The Christian is called not to individualism but to membership in the mystical body. A consideration of the differences between the secular collective and the mystical body, is therefore the first step to understanding how Christianity without being individualistic can yet counteract collectivism.”
[C.S.Lewis- “The Weight of Glory”].
No comments:
Post a Comment